Stepping Stone or Stumbling Block?

Larry’s dear friend, Gordon, once asked a question I’ve never forgotten: Are you a stepping stone or a stumbling block in the lives of others?

It’s a simple question. But it has a way of staying with you.

Yesterday on our morning walk, Larry and I met an elderly woman on the trail. She noticed my t-shirt first — it reads Radicalized by Basic Decency. She laughed and said she needed some of that. And just like that, we were in it together. Within minutes we were in the kind of conversation that doesn’t happen often enough — honest, warm, searching. She told us how hard it had become to keep her heart open. How easy it is to slip into complaint, criticism and worry about the state of the world. How she wanted to stay kind but the weight of it all kept pulling her toward bitterness.

I recognized everything she was saying.

The Buddha taught something he called Right Speech — one of eight guideposts for a life lived with care. Right Speech isn’t only about avoiding harmful words. It’s about the quality of what we offer when we open our mouths. Is what I’m about to say truthful? Is it kind? Is it useful? Does it build something or wear something down?

Jesus put it another way: let your light shine.

Not your argument. Not your outrage. Your light.

Both teachers were pointing at the same quiet truth. In a world full of noise, the most radical thing we can offer is speech rooted in genuine care for all beings.

The woman on the trail wasn’t asking how to fix the world. She was asking how to keep her own heart from hardening. That question is worth sitting with.

Because we do have a choice — not always about what happens around us, but about what we bring to it. Stepping stone or stumbling block. Erosion or foundation.

The next time a conversation pulls toward complaint or criticism, pause for just a moment and ask: what am I building here?

Jan