Happy Monday, friends —
We’re still a couple of months away from goal-setting season, but this topic has been on my mind for a while. I’m also hearing more people talk about their “future selves” across different platforms, so now feels like the right time.
Read it now or save it for January—either way, you may find it helpful when the urge to try something new (or become more of who you already are) begins to stir.
Happy reading,
Jan💕
Every January, planners fill, vision boards bloom, and the air hums with ambition. We tell ourselves this year will be different. But what if the problem isn’t that we lack goals, it’s that we’ve misunderstood what they’re really doing for us?
I’ve come to think of GOALS as an acronym for something else entirely:
Get On with Actual Living.
Because life isn’t waiting on us to become who we think we should be. It’s already happening, right here, right now.
The Dopamine Trap
Neuroscience tells us something fascinating: we get more dopamine from the anticipation of reward than from the reward itself.
That explains why dreaming about our “new self” feels intoxicating and why actually maintaining a change often feels flat or disappointing.
I see this every Christmas. Larry and I have joked about it for years: the excitement of wrapped boxes under the tree can outshine the gifts themselves. The anticipation is magic; the opening is often just… fine.
We once said we should just wrap empty boxes and never open them. That way we could enjoy the anticipation all year long.
The brain works much the same with goals. It loves the idea of accomplishment, the story of who we might become. But when the goal turns into daily reality, the novelty fades and the reward center quiets.
This isn’t failure. It’s human design. But it raises an important question:
Are we chasing the life we want, or the feeling of wanting?
Are Goals Just Wish Lists?
Many goals read more like wish lists for a future self:
“A better version of me will look like this.”
We picture thinner, calmer, richer, more creative versions of ourselves as if happiness sits on the other side of completion.
But from a mindful perspective, that’s where suffering sneaks in. The moment we tie contentment to a future condition, we postpone our own peace.
So ask yourself:
• What is my opinion of myself right now, without the thing I want to achieve?
• Could I be content as I am, today?
If that question feels uncomfortable, you’re not alone. But it’s a doorway to equanimity, the ability to remain balanced no matter what unfolds.
When we can meet ourselves with honesty and acceptance in this moment, goals lose their power to define our worth. They become invitations, not verdicts.
Before You Set a Goal
Before setting any goal, try asking:
If I don’t achieve this, how will I feel about myself?
If the answer reveals shame or self-doubt, pause. That’s not a goal, that’s a subtle contract with self-criticism.
True mindfulness begins not with improvement but with awareness. It asks:
“Can I know who I am, fully and compassionately, before I try to change anything?”
From that space, even the smallest goal becomes an act of curiosity rather than control. You can work toward something without losing sight of your inherent wholeness.
Making Goals Work
Here’s where Joseph Goldstein, Buddhist teacher and author of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening, offers a perspective worth remembering:
“A goal can be helpful as long as you remember it’s just a direction, not a measuring stick.”
The truth is, goals don’t create results. Behavior does.
I know someone who set a goal to lose thirty pounds. And they did. But when we talked later, it wasn’t the goal that made the difference. It was the decision to walk every day and not stop. The weight loss came because they showed up.
That’s the piece we often overlook.
The goal points the way, but it’s the action that gets you there.
So, restate the goal as an intention:
“I’d like to lose thirty pounds.”
Then make a concrete plan:
“Today I’ll walk 10,000 steps.”
“Today I’ll drink 60 ounces of water.”
And then keep doing it.
Pick something.
Start it.
Don’t quit.
That’s not about motivation. It’s about consistency.
The work isn’t in thinking about the goal. The work is in doing the thing that moves you toward it, every single day.
The Place for Goals in Mindful Living
From a mindful perspective, goals aren’t the enemy, but they need to stay in their proper place. They can give structure and direction, but they shouldn’t control the steering wheel.
Try this approach:
• Anchor in intention, not outcome.
Instead of “I will run a marathon,” try “I want to experience what my body can do.”
• Let practice be the point.
Focus on the habit, not the headline. The daily doing is what changes you, not the finish line.
• Stay flexible.
Goals are guides, not contracts. Allow change.
• Hold results lightly.
Equanimity means meeting success and failure with the same awareness: “Ah, so this is how it feels.”
No judgment. No blame.
When we engage goals this way, they don’t separate us from life. They draw us deeper into it.
If Goals Work for You, Keep Them, But Know the Odds
If you’ve found success in setting and achieving goals, by all means, continue. But the data suggest it’s rare: studies show only about 8% of people actually achieve their annual goals.
That doesn’t mean the rest have failed. It means life doesn’t always follow our plans.
Perhaps the point was never the finish line, but the awareness we gain while walking toward it.
Reframing What We’re Really After
If your goal is about seeing yourself differently than you do today, there may be more direct ways to do that.
• Practice a single act of self-kindness each day.
• Keep one small promise to yourself.
• Pause to notice the moment you usually rush through.
These tiny practices build the self-trust we often chase through bigger goals.
Because in the end, getting on with actual living means this:
Living the life in front of you, not the one you’re still sketching in your mind.
So before setting your next goal, maybe ask:
What if I’m already enough, right here?
And from that place, go ahead and aim, dream, plan.
But whatever you do, make sure you’re living while you do it.
After all, getting on with actual living calls us to meet life in the only place it ever happens, this present moment, as it is, as you are.
Before you set your next goal, take a breath.
Ask yourself: If I never achieve this, could I still feel fulfilled?
I’d love to hear your reflections — what goals have shaped you, and which ones taught you to live right where you are?
🪷 Share your thoughts in the comments, or forward this to someone who’s ready to trade striving for living.
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